Where I've Been.

This is my very first post - and the first time I am chatting with you all - in months, besides Instagram and Twitter - [cue a sorority girl 'wooooo']. I am sad I have been gone for so long, and that I let being self-conscious on the internet stop me from doing what I used to love. But I am also happy! Writing has always been something I have loved and I am excited to start this blog and make it my little 'happy place' online. To, kind of, re-start, re-brand, and make something new! 

Now - for all of you who are sitting thinking "what the hell is she talking about", I will explain. My name is Jessica Melody, and about 3 years ago I started a YouTube channel called "VictoriasCloset16". I vlogged about everything beauty and fashion related - from my favourite brand of lip gloss, to what I love about hair extensions (ummm everything), to why pink is the new black. You know, your average topics of conversation.  

In 2012, I started law school (I am now going into my third and final year). And balancing vlogging and school was kind of impossible. It wasn't as much a choice to put my beauty channel on the back burner while I was in school as much as it was a necessity.  

But, honestly, I think even if I weren't in law school, I still would have taken a break from the whole online thing. I went through a bit of a self-esteem dip this year - ironically coinciding with one of the best things to have ever happened to me. At the end of my first year, I broke up with my 100%-not-right-for-me boyfriend of four years.  And two weeks after that, I started dating the love of my life. The whole thing was super fast, and crazy! Within a month, I not only was with someone else but also living with that someone else - and I have been living with that someone else happily ever since!  But moving in with even the love of your life can be hard. Add a job that exhausts you, and two crazy years of law school to the mix, and what you have left is NOT MUCH! Not much energy, not much will-power, not a whole hell of a "much".  This led to me eating awful food and not even coming close to exercising. And let me tell you, folks, if I was 18 and this happened, I would still be a twig. But WHO KNEW that at the ripe ol' age of 25, the metabolism already starts thinking "you know what? Eff it".  I gained about 20 lbs (more on this in a post coming up) and filming on YouTube with all the pretty skinny people wasn't fun for me anymore. 

But something kind of changed not long ago.  I started working out regularly and eating ... well ... better. And I wish I could say the weight just slid right off, but it didn't! That is when I realized I have to snap out of my funk and be happy with what and who I am now. Spending hours - HOURS - a day self-critizing: "I am so much bigger than that girl". "You think you can rock a crop-top? Think again. Only mumus for you", "Is it possible that my hips are THIS big" - it's fucking exhausting. And who cares?! So what if I gained a bit of weight. As long as I feel healthy and am happy, I don't see the point in worrying about it (can I get an 'amen' up in here?!).  

So here I am. I decided I need a rebrand - a new 'me' online.  Instead of hiding behind an alias - VictoriasCloset16 - I am now going by my name "Jessica Melody". And with this change means sharing with you the real me, and embracing every bit of it. I am so excited to start this journey with you.

xo
J.
  1. There comes a point in time where we all need time to rediscover who we are again. Trust me I know. I am excited you're back.
    ~Ashley

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